Monday, April 10, 2017

The man trap: Other people's expectations

I am watching a young couple recently. As I get older and reflect on the things I've seen and done I can't help but feel some trepidation for the young guy.

I know it's not deliberate but it just seems to be a pattern that the male becomes an extra in the grand production that is "the family".

I would not change today anything else in my life. The creation of our nuclear family is the thing I am the most proud of. Many men feel the same, and it is often that paternal instinct that is taken advantage of. And perhaps men forget themselves.

"You have a family now, stop doing that silly stuff" is a sentence that I hear from "caring interested" people. A boss that I once had and respected said to me "you won't still be jumping out of planes like a monkey when you're 49 years old". Wrong, Rod. But I nearly did forget myself.

The number of men that I've seen drop their own set of passions and live another's dream - amazing. A guy who love trail bike riding - no more. Many others a skydiver no more. One's plan to work one's way around Australia - no chance.

Back to my two young friends. I watched them having an animated and semi-private a conversation the other day. I could tell that it was about having children.

The male was saying "no that will mess things up, think of all the things we do now that we couldn't if we had to be managing mumble". They caught me paying attention and the guy looked like a rabbit caught in a trap, with the female being all doe eyed and coy. I thought to myself "you've got no chance buddy'.

My thoughts are that people going into a marriage need to be careful about whose vision they're living out. If there's tension there, throughout the marriage, then perhaps that's a sign that both people are getting some of what they want. Unfortunately for the man he will probably be branded childish selfish and irresponsible. Suck it up cupcake - you've never been any different.

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