Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Casualties for 2017

These are the people that I know have walked away from me, thinking "what a complete asshole". They're four very different people from different walks of my life, and they only really have one thing in common. They irritated me at some point.

These people are good, honest people - all with a very good heart and I am not glad they hate me, but you don't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Every one of these fallouts have caused me a sense of personal reproach. I should be better.

At certain times throughout the year I have allowed my mask of affability to slip. Dealing with people takes so much energy for me - people who don't know me wish they were my friend. The people who do know me are painfully aware that nobody should want to be my friend.

People who take the time to really know me - well they have a fierce ally. I thank God for both of them.

So the casualties of 2017 are:
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I wish I could be better, and have nobody on this list. But it's been a big year. And as far as the list of people that I consider irredeemable - only two:
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As Rudyard Kipling said "being hated don't give in to hate". Well, I hate about half as much as I'm hated, in 2017.

As Jules said at the end of Pulp Fiction:
"[I've only just realised that] I am the tyranny of evil men. But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying so hard to be the shepherd."

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