Originally posted mid 2011 - I think
It still shocks me, but shouldn't. In casual conversation where I say "I bought a power kite" or "I need to clear some time for myself to be alone" I will sometimes get the same old martyr line. This time it was from a European lady with a grown child.
"Well it's not about you anyway, it's only about the kids."
WTF!!! What are you - living in Tevye's village?

Man, parenting is my destiny, my
sacred duty. Anyone who really knows me knows that I've been happy to make a HEAP of decisions that mean it works for them, that they become the very best they can be. And that each one of my three are what I consider my greatest achievement in life. No brainer really. And I'm SO glad that my great life partner, Sylvia, plays the same game.
But do you really believe I should flatly refuse to want anything for myself? How weird is that?
"Well I did it, mine's 26 and is still with me. I don't get any time or anything for myself."
How's this? I won't judge you for what I consider to be a weird choice, and you can reciprocate. What was supremely odd was your lack of comprehension when I pointed out that I knew many people who have made the same
choice as you. That's right - you made a
choice to give away everything else that's important to you.

So here's my choice. I will continue to live big, as big as I possibly can. I will rejoice in the successes and the warmth of my family. Sometimes, often, I will take them on my rides. Sometimes I will ride alone. Often, I will discharge a set of responsibilities that will help them become the best people they can. I will always love them, support them and please - God - help me to understand them.

But please forgive me if I refuse to completely subsume myself into the persona of a parent. It seems that those who choose that route become empty shells, and are the first to play the "for all I've done for you" guilt trip on their grown children. I will not call you a loser, and you won't call me selfish, because neither are true, or very nice.
I will live big for my kids. And I hope that one day they will live big for themselves - and maybe their own kids.