Thursday, September 29, 2016

Coles Self Service: Why do you do this to me?

Coles you gave it to me and why would you take it away? In the mornings I don't talk to anybody. You gave me the perfect system and now you are taking it away from me.

A Service Enhancement
Self service checkouts were a boon to those of us who just don't like to make small talk. I can press buttons on a machine, I can scan and if I need to talk to somebody then I can. I know the most obvious thing about shared services is service efficiency, but it is far from the only thing.

What - you've shut the lanes?
In the morning where I am slow to start that would seem all the more important. My kids call me the cringemaster because sometimes when I am with them they cringe at how I express myself.
So when the supermarket staff asked me if I needed help when they saw me taking this photo I said "no I'm just annoyed that I can't use the lane"

An unfortunate series of interactions
"But there's a lane you can use over the other side" - she protested

"No, I just don't like people"

She reeled like she was talking to a serial killer, and the cringemaster was in da house.

I'm sorry, friendly checkout guy
The poor (lovely) guy who ended up swiping my groceries and trying to "connect":

"Let's not talk"

Consistency is a measure of quality
Coles, you could have avoided all this discomfort by simply running the service you cleverly introduced A few years ago. A measure of quality is consistency of service. If one day I have self service then the next I don't then it's a quality fail.

Last words to Coles from a grumpy old man
I actually don't dislike people. I just like to have the freedom to choose the times I wish to interact.

Coles, please don't deny me that.

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